The First Day of School

And I'm not there! I called my friend who is still teaching on Monday, and she didn't even say hello - just, "Hit by a truck. Hit by a truck."

I remember that feeling - being so exhausted at the end of the day that you don't have energy to breathe, much less have a life. Now, I go to work, come home, and have time to do things. I've gotten in touch with so many friends that I'd neglected for the years I was teaching. Granted, I had a lot of great friends and sweet kids at school, but I really let some people slip out of my life, and it always made me sad.

I'm going to New York City for my job this weekend. I'm actually excited about what I do and enjoy my work. It's so completely different from how I felt when I was teaching. It's weird to have a job where I don't need a union to protect me. It's really weird to be able to order office supplies whenever I need them. And the traveling? The closest thing I ever got to travel when I was a teacher invloved going to Seagoville, TX, and if you've ever been there, you know it's definitely not a vacation.

I still have nightmares about teaching. Every night this week I've dreamed about it - probably from talking to Sarah about the first day and what a drag it is. I keep dreaming about running late to school and having no lesson plans. Hmm.

Reason #439 Why I Quit My Job

I just thought it was over. The District is still doing their damnedest to make my life miserable:

May 2002 - May 2005: Worked full-time as a teacher in the Dallas Independent School District, with a contract stating that I would be paid each month, once, on dates that were set during the summer of 2004.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005: Wake up and check the bank account, expecting to see a nice, fat (well, maybe not fat but at least not scrawny) balance, and instead see the paltry sum that had been there the night before. Perplexed, I call the District payroll department to find out what's up, since I've had direct deposit for the entire three years I've worked at my school.

Am told that there is "some problem" with my check, and I won't be able to get it today. Ask for a paper check to be printed immediately, since I'm leaving town to visit my sick grandmother, and won't be able to wait around until tomorrow. Am told that there is absolutely no way a paper check will be printed; they never print them under any circumstances anymore, and I will have to wait until Friday when the money will be in my account. Call the Union, which is not helpful at all.

Friday, June 17, 2005: Still no money. Call the payroll department again, am first told that the check has processed and should be in my account, then am told that a paper check has been printed. Funny, right, since they don't ever print them? I am two hours away at sick grandmother's bedside, so I arrange for a friend to pick the check up. Payroll lady says my friend can come between 4:00 and 5:00 p.m. to pick up my check.

Friend shows up, along with the dozen or so other people who have not received their checks either, at 4:00 to get the check. Gets told to wait. Calls me; I call the payroll lady again (by now it's 5:00) and am told that the check will not be ready - I will have to wait, now, until Monday. Get really angry and take it out on the payroll lady, who deserves it since this was her fault, and because she won't just accept responsibility and take care of the situation. When a person only gets paid once a month, it is imperative that the paycheck arrive on time.

Without my knowledge, my friend also takes out frustrations on my behalf by asking payroll lady a series of questions including "How would you feel if you didn't get paid?"

Saturday and Sunday: Spend the weekend broke.

Monday, June 20: Wake up and call payroll. Hear: "No, your check is not ready. No, we don't know when it will be ready." Tell payroll fool that this is not acceptable, and ask to speak to someone else. Finally get in touch with treasurer lady, (I'd draw a heart around her name if I could) who finds my check and gives it to me, along with the contact info for the head of the Payroll Department, when I arrive at the District headquarters building half an hour later.

My main complaint isn't even that they basically lost my check, it's that they never gave me a reason why the mix up happened. What if I had kids to feed, or a parent who needed medicine, or was going to leave on vacation on Friday? These people were truly inconsiderate to me, and I plan to demand answers from the Payroll director.

And then...

...Just when I'd started to get over the whole thing, two of my students just called me.

Who knew they actually liked me? I don't remember ever looking up my teachers once school was over and calling them up. Oh wait, I e-mail with some of my old teachers on a regular basis...

Anyway, sweet, right? It's fine, but I gotta say, it's pretty boring talking to a couple of 12-year-olds on the phone. I remember loving the phone when I was little, and now I try to get off the phone ASAP, no matter who it is.

No More Schoolbooks

I literally never have to enter a school again for the rest of my life if I choose not to do so.

I've been out for two weeks now - two glorious weeks of not thinking about grade books detention TAKS TEKS thugteenagers administration etc...

In these two weeks, I've been pretty lazy. However, I went to the Bahamas again and I got a new job. First job I applied for, first interview I went on, and I got it. Anything else, any other job, would have been a letdown, so I'm pretty happy.

Not going to write about work anymore, though. Now that I'm not fighting the good fight at an inner-city school anymore, work-related writing is over for me.

I haven't started my new job yet, but I can already tell that it's going to be much, much better than what I was doing, so this site can return to it's original purpose - something fun for me. I never intended to make these pages a vent fest about a frustrating job, but for the last three years work has been all I've been able to think about.

No more! Bring on the world of grown-up fun, happy hour and highway commutes.

Countdown ON

I'm down to counting the hours. Currently, there are 49 hours left in the school year.

My friend, in his infinite generosity, decided to lend me his spare flat screen TV to take to school. This combined with the extra DVD player I have under my bed means that all my problems at school are solved. I have about ten hours worth of history films at school, and the Back to the Future trilogy that I also borrowed from my friend. The children will be quiet at last!

All I think about all the time is getting out of here. I have three months left on my lease, and to be honest I still haven't decided what I'll do once it's up. I really need to stay here until the end of October, because I'm in my friend's wedding. Still need to buy that dress, too.

It's really interesting how I keep meeting people who are opening my eyes to all that's out there to see. Until about five years ago, I never thought about traveling outside of North America and Europe. Small-minded, sure, but when you grow up in a small town in Texas, you just don't really think you'll ever get that far away. It doesn't help, either, to be raised in a family that just doesn't travel much. I come from a Texas ranching family that's been here for a long time. Work is valued above everything else, and travel is a luxury that my family just doesn't think about. That all changed a few years ago though, when my mom and step dad got married. He has really taught us how to travel and made us want to see more of the world. 

--

I really can't believe my teaching career is almost over. Ninety percent of the people that I know today I either met through my job or only know me as a teacher. I've never really thought of myself as a teacher, and knew it wouldn't be a career for me, so it's strange to think of people seeing me that way. This website has been mainly about my teaching job for the last three years. I kept trying to write about something else, but when the problems as big as those in an inner city school occupy your mind, there's not room for much else. Besides, I certainly needed to get all of that out.

Honestly much of this year I haven't wanted to document. Some highlights:

1) Having a conversation with four 12 and 13-year-old girls that began with, "Miss, you know how there's two different kinds of head on a boy?"

2) Being yelled at and cursed in three languages by teenagers.

3) Knowing that you're being looked at in a nasty way by students...they're way obvious about it and it's so gross.

4) Finding one of your books with such vulgarity about yourself written on it that you don't care to post the details on your website.

5) Catching six boys throwing rocks at your car, and trying to break into it so they can steal/destroy the soccer ball hanging from your rear view mirror, because they don't like that team.

6) Having a student go to jail for throwing a skateboard through a windshield, and having this same student make jokes about how you're going to get a broken window in your car...

7) Um...yeah...every day was awful times a thousand and all the highlights are the same. There were a few sweet kids who made it almost tolerable. I'll never forget the amazing group of kids who would help me out even when everyone else was being awful to me.

It's not just me either...everyone else from my grade level has quit as well...the administration drove us all away with their lack of support and disregard for the problems that come with teaching this age group.

But hey, it's almost over, right? Then it's off to play at the beach in the Bahamas, then back here to figure out the next couple of years.

Six Weeks!

It's down to six weeks before the end of school. I like doing my yearly math equation:

30 days

- 2 days with no students

- 2 days I will take off

- 2 field trips

- 1 field day

- 2 days of TAKS testing

- 2 days of ITBS testing

- 1 last day of school

_______________________

= 18 actual teaching days left!

And of these 18 days, there are only three full days, because on every single other day, we're either practicing for graduation or going to an assembly. Outstanding!

Then the job search/travel search/overseas teaching search/apartment search fun begins...

Belize and Guatemala

I went to Belize and Guatemala for spring break. The trip was fun. I liked Guatemala a lot more than Belize, especially now that I'm back.

We saw a ton of Mayan ruins at Tikal in Guatemala. It was so exciting. I have never seen anything that old! Taking a 'chicken bus' was also quite an experience. I met some really interesting people and ended up continuing the travel into Belize with some of them. None of us really had any set plans, so we headed to the town of Hopkins, Belize. It was really awesome. The cab (well, guy with a truck who would drive us) driver took us to this hippie woman's house/commune place on the  beach where we all proceeded to stay for several days. She had an Aussie girl living there - she'd been there for six months or more - told us she got there and just didn't want to leave - who baked fresh bread twice a day. And the food! They prepared fresh vegetarian meals for breakfast and dinner. Amazing. I loved this place and hope I can go back someday.

However, while at the beach in Belize, I got attacked by these awful sand flies. I look and feel like I have the chicken pox again. It's HORRIBLE. It drives me crazy all day long. And I have to go back to work tomorrow. Not quite sure how I'm going to deal with it at work.

Speaking of work, things are cool there - it's cool, right, when two months before school is over, the principal decides to change the schedule and the subjects we teach. I lucked out on this one, though -  I get to teach only History and Geography for the rest of the year. No more teaching to the TAKS Reading test (since the TAKS season is over). This, coupled with the dwindling number of days left in the year, leads me to believe I just might make it.

Nice Things

For all the complaining I do about my job, I rarely talk about the positive things that happen. It's not all bad:

1) Tonight a parent brought me cheese tamales since I'm a vegetarian.

2) This lady told me she wanted me to come and stay with her family at their home in Guanajuato, Mexico. Her son's in my class.

3) On Valentine's day, the principal made all the kids write an essay: "I love my teacher because..." and while I thought none of my students would write about me - they loved their teacher last year and were allowed to choose who they wrote about - all but two of them did - and most of my class from the previous year chose to write about me too. The things some of these kids wrote absolutely made me want to cry!

4) I busted this girl skipping school with older boys (really, these were likely men), and called her mom to tell her where she was and how to find her. On Valentine's day, her mom brought me flowers.

5) Since starting my job, I've been to Costa Rica, Mexico three times, the Bahamas, 14 states and next week I'm going to Guatemala and Belize. I've been able to do all of this because I have so much vacation time.

6) I have no less than 15 families in various Latin American countries who would put me up any time and treat me like a queen (teachers are actually respected there).

7) I'm getting paid to learn Spanish.

8) I've got some students who are so incredible that I know years from now* I'll still talk to them, and they'll be in some great college with a bright future. I'd love to be rich and pay for all of them to go to school.

9) I got to do all the projects I loved doing in school all over again. Having my students sweep the sixth grade science fair felt as good as when I won the science fair in eighth grade.

10) Really, though, my favorite thing has been getting to truly know Mexican culture. I've loved all the 15 parties, birthdays, First Communions - all of it.

*Edit in 2011. This happened. I'm still really close with so many of my students (viva Facebook!) and a bunch of them are in excellent colleges, right at the doorsteps of super bright and shiny futures. I couldn't be more proud of them.

60 Days

Finally, I'm able to talk about my job again. It's been months since I've had an outlet, and honestly my friends are getting sick of hearing about the murders and the overly hormonal teenagers, the cheating, skipping school, lying, stealing, etc. that goes on in a sixth grade classroom.

So many stories I haven't been able to share! School's not like it used to be. I'm not even that old - young enough that my students think I'm young still - and I feel like somebody's grandma going on about the good old days and the way things used to be. The main thing that's missing from school is a good old fashioned spanking. Kids need that fear of physical punishment to keep them from misbehaving. It's gone, and hell - getting suspended is fun - so what recourse is there for bad behavior?

NOTHING. Nothing at all. Parents don't help. Well, a few do, but the majority don't. Administrators try to help, but they're overwhelmed too. And what tools do they have? Alternative School is hard to justify, and requires tons and tons of documentation. It's gotten to where kids act up on purpose because they want out of class, and they know no one is going to "do anything" to them. Whatever.

I'm sick of their behavior and the obscene amounts of paperwork demanded by the district. I'm out. I quit. I finally gave up. Turned in my resignation letter already. I'll make it until the end of the year - 60 more school days - but after that, no more. I already gave notice. Can't wait to close that door on May 26.

I *Love* My Job!

Man, they really pissed me off today.

I have two classes. I see each for three hours a day. One class is full of sweet girls who only get a little sassy every once and a while. The boys are a little bad, but entirely tolerable when compared to...

6D. The letter and number from hell. This class is one of the worst things I've ever experienced. It's not just because half of the class is immature, insane, exhausting boys, but because the other half is the coolest group of female students I've ever had. These girls are amazing! They're like a bunch of little adults - so intuitive and just generally with it. And I have to spend all my time dealing with the problems with the boys. The girls are wonderful, and I never get to spend much time with them.

These boys are a bunch of creeps. They fight. They lie. They curse. At me. They sexually harass the girls. And today, they started harassing me! I keep two of the worst right next to the overhead from which I lecture, so I can keep an eye on them at all times. Today I allowed them to work with rulers. These two little pricks kept touching my backside and my thighs with the rulers and their pencils.

I'm at my breaking point. It's a damn good thing that this week is Thanksgiving break, or else it might end up the Massacre of 2004 in my classroom.

Ah, freedom. I'm off to California for the rest of the week, to enjoy the lovely Pacific and lots of time away from nasty teenagers.

I said at the beginning of the year that I loved this age group and would never go back to the needy little ones. I take back all comments of that nature, and would love nothing more than a room full of eight-year-olds to adore me and actually fear me, rather than these hooligans who delight in my misery.

Oh, and another thing for the "Yay! This district is so SMART!" file:

Today we were given a packet, quite obviously printed from an e-mail, along with a paper stating we were to have these packets finished and turned in by the end of the day. With these packets came absolutely no instructions. The packets contained a profile sheet, where the students are supposed to fill in information about their performance on the first round of district Benchmark tests. This was a time consuming and difficult task, mainly because we have one copy of the necessary test information, and 30 people who have to fill out the form. It took me 20 minutes just to explain to one group how to fill out the forms [since, of course, I was figuring it out as I went along!] and then the rest of the day for everyone else to get their packets done.

Meanwhile, my lesson plans for the day were shot, and the kids were rowdy since the task was just so boring. Because we were so rushed, the profile sheets didn't even serve their purpose - to show the students and teachers in what areas the class/student is weak. We were just hurrying through the paperwork to meet the deadline. The only purpose it served was that the kids got a little taste of what MY life is like, filling out complicated forms and data sheets at the last minute to satisfy the whims of some person downtown.

It's so frustrating, because we're supposed to stay with the Scope and Sequence, a document that tells us what to teach and when in each subject. Losing just one day puts you behind. Then, when the district people come and want to know why scores are low or why we're not where we're supposed to be in the curriculum, they don't stop to think that perhaps they are part of the problem!

I realize that teachers have always been overworked and underpaid, but it just seems like there has to be a better way. I feel like I'm strapped to a table, and there are tubes and needles attached to my body, sucking the blood out and killing me slowly. I can't believe people do this for 10, 20, 30 or more years!

I hear it's different working in an inner city school. That when working in the suburbs or in a small town, teaching can be fun. Perhaps I should move. I've been considering it a lot lately. A pay cut, yes, but to not feel like jumping off the top of my school into a pool full of hungry alligators at the end of each day - I'd sacrifice a few thousand a year for that.

No Words.

It's been a hard seven days.

Last week...seriously...all those things I ever thought were the worst things that I ever had to do now seem ok, a little bit less terrible. See, last week I had to tell an eight-year-old boy that his mom was dead, and not from natural causes.

This is something that will affect me for the rest of my life. Screw my life though - little F. - his life - for the rest of his life whenever anyone asks anything about his mom, he'll remember the day that his ex-con dad took him out of his new school and drove back over to his old school where his dad hoped his second grade teacher still worked. He'll remember sitting outside my classroom, not knowing that I already knew - that one of his cousins had told me that morning what had happened over the weekend (and thank God he did - I think it would have been a lot more difficult if I hadn't had time to process that this woman - a woman I knew and liked, and who was the mother of one of my favorite students - had been shot to death).

He'll remember me coming outside, finally, and walking him and his daddy into the building. Into that room where the teachers went to get their coffee and eat their lunch away from the kids. He'll remember wondering why this other lady he didn't know (the school psychologist) was there too, and why I locked the door and then sat so close to him on the couch.

He may not, but I will always remember all this. I'll remember the confused look on his face when I told him his mother was with God and the angels (I spared him the details and facts - that his mother and stepdad were in the wrong place at the wrong time - outside a liquor store where two opposing gangs started shooting at each other - typical case of a good person getting caught in the crossfire). I won't forget his tears. His sad, sweet face, his body curling between mine and his father's on that hideous, sea foam green vinyl sofa in a room smelling of stale coffee and seven different kinds of reheated leftovers.

His dad told me he just couldn't do it. He couldn't tell the kid what had happened to his mom. He wasn't sure what he was going to do now - he was for all intents and purposes homeless (he slept in the mechanic shop where he did part-time work for a friend), had more or less given up on himself and had accepted that his ex and her new husband would raise his precious son, his Junior, his only child that was born when he was all of sixteen years old because they'd be better parents. The stepdad didn't want to keep the boy, and the mother's family was nowhere to be found, somewhere in Honduras and unreachable.

I don't know what happened to F. Senior and F. Junior. I talked to the father once after this meeting, and told him to take his son and go back to Mexico where they had family and people who loved them. That in his situation, being without a place to live for himself and the child - they'd probably take his son away. I don't know if it was the best or the right advice, but it was all I could think to say at the time. I didn't hear from them again after that, and I never heard from Child Protective Services (I was required by law to report the situation) again about the matter, so I like to think the two of them started a new life with their family in MX - maybe F. Senior remarried, learned to stay out of trouble - and junior got to grow up with cousins, aunts, grandparents...

I'll always remember these two and will always wonder about their fate.

Coming up for Air

It's kind of funny that I thought the first year was bad. Second year seemed awful too, but, wow! Nothing compares to this year!

I'd like to thank some people:

1. Thanks, George W. Bush, for No Child Left Behind [Subtitle: All Teachers Left Behind...or maybe All Schools Left Behind When All The Teachers Quit...joking!] which has made my job so much better. It's good to send very high demands down from the top, scare all our administrators into scaring us, and then tie our hands when it comes to resources. Please, cut education funding some more! Send ALL the federal education money straight to Iraq.

I think I will do a fun experiment in honor of NCLB. First I'll tell my students that they're going to be required to do a lot of things. A lot of paperwork. A lot of studying. A lot more work than they've ever done before, even though before some of them - many of them - were trying their best. Now, they're going to be excited to hear that for all this extra work, there are no extra rewards or incentives. Instead, there will be harsh punishments for those not meeting standards on the new work requirements. Finally, right before sending them off to do their new work [in addition, of course, to everything they were doing before] I'll quietly let them know that I won't be providing their supplies - the pencils had to be sent to another country to build pencil cabins. The paper's being used to help start campfires somewhere else. Sorry, kids, if you're going to get this stuff done, you'll have to purchase your own supplies. Oh - and it's all got to be done on your own time - no extra time during the school day to take care of the new demands!

Think that would go over very well with parents? With administrators? Why is it acceptable to treat our teachers like this, then? Why is it ok to increase our requirements and responsibilities without any resources or extra paid time to do the work?

I'm lucky. My school was awarded some kind of grant that at least allows for teachers to get paid for before and after school tutoring. We even have funding for some elective programs, like soccer and a manners class. There is not, however, money to compensate teachers [like me] who need to spend no less than 10, probably 15 hours a week outside of school doing school work. Between all the meetings after school and training classess during planning periods [illegal, I must add] and constant interruptions in the classroom, there's little time to get anything done.

2. Thanks, DISD, for the OASIS program! OASIS is our fun new online lesson plan and objective tracking system. Uh, it sucks. I mean, the idea is good, but this program is so messed up I can't even explain how messed up it really is. It's bad enough to force people to do their lessons online. Making them use a program that is confusing, filled with errors and just plain annoying to use is downright horrible. It's also cool how even though we're supposed to be tracking our progress with the TEKS online, we still have to have paper copies of this same information. Same thing with the lesson plans, Scope and Sequence, and other district documents. What the hell was the point of putting it all online if we have to have a stupid binder filled with all the papers in our classrooms anyway?

I sometimes like to imagine that the people downtown play a game where they blindfold themselves, run around in a room giggling, and then write district policies.

3. Thank you, Science department, for requiring us to spend 50 percent of class time doing laboratory experiments, but making it difficult for us to obtain the materials we need to do them. I think it's possible to get materials for experiments, but I'm not sure. The one time I tried, I was told to go to the middle school near my school to see if they had the chemical I needed. Many, um...all of the things I have used to do experiments this year have been purchased with money from my wallet. There's no such thing as being reimbursed, either.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Teachers have been complaining about this same kind of stuff as long as there have been public schools. Still doesn't mean that these things are acceptable, does it?

Mickey Mouse

Ugh. My caurrennt sthate of sthilence is due to the 20 shots of novacaine I've received in the last few days, and the fun that came after the injections. No amount of numbing agent can stop the pain of a drill in your gums and files removing the interior of your teeth.

The pain, stiffness and gore left behind by Dr. Wonderfuldentist's instruments made my voice sound pretty silly today - I had a lisp like a four-year-old girl. The children told me I sounded like Mickey Mouse about four sentences in to my reading from "Socks." And this was the nice class. I'm so glad I don't have to see the sassy class this week due to - surprise surprise - district-mandated testing.

The Complaint Department

Lately I've been grouchy. I have terrible allergies, my stress level at school is higher than ever, and yesterday I even had to have a root canal.

Various corporations and organizations have done little to help my mood. My phone bill has been completely wrong for the last three months. My bank was overcharging me for bill pay. I found out that one of my favorite restaurants has been lying to me for years - there is chicken stock in their Minestrone!

So, I started writing. I figured the only way I could resolve my issues with these businesses was to communicate my problems.

SBC was my first victim. Withholding payment money from them had done nothing more than earn me a late fee, therefore I finally broke down and spent more than an hour one afternoon on the phone, settling my problems with the bill. [Overcharged $90! When you only have a small amount of money to live on per month, $90 is a lot.] I figured this was the end of my troubles with SBC until I got my next bill. It, too, was very, very wrong.

This time I couldn't stand the thought of wasting 60 more of my precious minutes on a conversation with an automated system. [Well...10 minutes automated system, 49 minutes on hold, and 33 seconds actually speaking to a human.] I visited the SBC website and sent them a nasty letter.

Four days later, I received an email with the corrected bill amount included in the apology.

My next target was a local Italian chain restaurant. I've been eating at this place for a long time, and have always had the Minestrone soup. I've asked many times to make sure the soup is truly vegetarian [no beef, chicken or other animal stock] and have always been told the soup is safe for me to eat.

Last week, the waitress serving me mentioned that the soup contained chicken stock. I couldn't believe it! I was so angry that I went home and emailed the company headquarters. I wasn't rude; I just let them know that they need to be honest about the contents of the food they serve.

Not only did the manager call to apologize, he sent me flowers. Uh...no one's ever sent me flowers at work, not even my boyfriend or mom. I feel bad now about getting angry at the restaurant. Had I not written the letter, I'd still be annoyed with the place, and would tell lots of my friends not to eat there. I might even cost the company some business besides my own. Now, though, all because of a simple phone call and maybe $40 on a vase of flowers, I'll go to the restaurant and will tell other people that it's a nice place, too.

Not all of the recipients of my letters felt inclined to try and earn my business back. I'll be switching to Green Mountain Energy as soon as possible due to my annoyance with TXU.

I'll admit that this one's petty. But when you think about it this way it makes sense: if 100,000 people pay their TXU bills online next month, the company will receive an extra $225,000 for doing nothing. SBC, T-Mobile and every other company I deal with allows customers to pay online without any fee. TXU charges an outrageous $2.25 per transaction. When you add that with the $6.95 Wells Fargo was charging me for Online Bill Pay each month, it makes the small price of stamps seem ok. [Wells Fargo's gotten a letter from me too, cancelling Bill Pay. Chase bank not only gave me a free checking account with free bill pay - they gave me $100 just for opening the account!]

Now I've just gone crazy with it. The Albertsons by my house is disgustingly filthy all the time, and is too crowded with too few cashiers. I can't shop there because it's so awful. Albertsons got their letter this afternoon, as did the lovely Kroger down the street, though their letter was complimentary rather than filled with complaints.

I don't know anyone else who does this - who cares enough about getting good service that they complain or compliment via mail or email. Listen. I sent my dentist a thank you note because he worked me in one busy afternoon and got me out in time to make an afternoon meeting outside of town. Is the problem that I have too much time on my hands, or do I just truly love talking [even by way of writing] that much?

Perhaps I'm old fashioned. Maybe it's because I spent so many years working in stores, shops, dry cleaners and restaurants. I know how easy it is to please customers. Be polite. Thank them for their business. Be honest when you make a mistake, and do what you can to remedy it. That's really all it takes to satisfy most people.

Next on my hit list is Comcast. Tomorrow is round three of sitting here for hours waiting for the slow tech repair guy to show up and do nothing. My cable's been garbage for two weeks. I'm not paying my bill for this month. They can forget about that. They've wasted so much of my time!

But then again, how much of my own time do I waste? Ah...it doesn't matter. Never forget the power of the pen [Or the keyboard, as the case may be].

The Joy of Sex Ed

On Saturday, while the rest of DISD's thousands of teachers were happily resting in bed, out enjoying the sunshine or doing chores, I, along with about 40 other people, was sitting in a comfortable chair, enjoying delicious, FREE coffee out of a real cup, and eating a tasty slice of banana bread. They were, they said, trying to make the idea of being at DISD training on a Saturday morning not seem so bad in comparison to what we could have been doing.

And would you believe it - they were actually successful!

I kept looking around to make sure I was in the right place. My experience at past training sessions was that if you wanted coffee, you'd better stop at Starbucks or be prepared to pay $0.50 for a Styrofoam cup of lukewarm motor oil and some powdered creamer. Heck, even at my school if we want coffee, we have to pay, or at least bring coffee supplies. Not at Sex Ed training, though. There, both the coffee and fresh cream containers were of a shiny silver, and always full. That was really enough to make me happy for the whole day - free coffee and pastries that were not donuts served on real plates with real forks. It was hilarious how many teachers made comments like, "Wow! Real forks! For us? Wow!" You'd think we'd never seen forks or decent food before.

But that was just breakfast! Just the start! At lunch, which was in a room separate from the training area and provided for us, again, free of charge, we were amazed again. Everything was so fancy, from the white tablecloths to the amazing chocolate cake we had for dessert. They even made a special meal for vegetarians like me. Well, I was the only vegetarian, yet they still made accommodations for me. I felt so special. We all felt special. And relaxed, and comfortable, which, of course, let to us feeling prepared and ready to do what we were there to do - learn.

Boy, did some people in that room learn. Human sexuality isn't a topic without controversy, obviously, and a few of the topics we discussed definitely raised some eyebrows. This first segment was only background information for adults, not students, so it got pretty graphic. The idea of that alone - giving us background information, making us more educated adults before sending us out to share knowledge with children - that was brilliant. Of course, many of the things we learned were not intended for us to share with the kids, but being totally informed on STD's, AIDS and alternative lifestyles will do nothing but make us better at our jobs as newly-minted campus sex ed teachers.

It's weird to say this, but I'm actually looking forward to the next meeting of this three-part training course. Dealing with focused, organized, and highly intelligent trainers and guest speakers was so incredibly refreshing. It was so different from the usual - cramming ourselves into kid-sized desks, no refreshments other than the occasional pile of candies in the center of the table and leaving feeling you've gained nothing more than another packet of handouts to file away - that many of us felt like we weren't DISD employees that day. I mentioned this to the director of the program, and she said, "Good, that's how we wanted you to feel - like true professionals." Mission accomplished.

I may have left with nothing to carry out but two Planned Parenthood pamphlets and a full tummy, but my brain left filled with many new ideas and more knowledge than I expected. I also gained hope - hope that DISD can be good and successful. The district's department of Human Growth, Development and Sexuality is proof that even in the zoo that is DISD, when the right people are in charge, things work.

Oh, and the icing on the cake? We actually got paid for this! This is my third year with DISD and the first time I've attended training where teachers receive a stipend.

Now, when I start actually teaching Sex Ed...we'll see how that goes. I'm already dreading the questions they're going to ask...

Sick AGAIN

Maybe it's the building - it's been around since before modern safety codes. Place is full of mold/asbestos. Yuck. Maybe it's the kids. I guess their parents don't really have the money to take them to the doctor when they're sick. They just send them to school. Maybe it's me - a sorry immune system, not enough sleep...

Whatever it is, I can't get a month into school without medical trauma. Fever, sore throat, sneezing...I've got it all. We do the hand sanitizer thing, cover your mouth when you cough thing, wash the hands frequently thing, and nothing works. I still get sick all the time, every year. Right now I'm miserable. I woke up in the middle of last night with firethroat and beatenwithhammer head. I kicked its butt all day and made it through my eight hours, but now I'm paying the price for working through the pain.

I'm so frustrated with so many things/people at my school that I could scream. I do enjoy sixth grade far more than I did the younger grades, but these people come with their own set of problems. Romance drama, hormones, and cursing fill my days. And that's just the coworkers...only joking. Teenagers are insane. I realize this is news to nobody, but I'm only now realizing the truth in the statement. The only previous experience I had with teenagers was being one, and I, of course, was nothing like the stereotypes. [ha...]

The students are the least of my worries, though. They're helpful and respectful enough to truly seem to feel bad when they dissapoint me [read: when I catch a bunch of girls cursing and/or talking filthy] or get caught doing something wrong. They do their work and are as responsible as 11-13 year old people can be expected to be.

My main trouble is the adults I work with. I've been through this before so I'll spare myself going through it all again... Didn't these people have to attend college? You'd think that a bunch of 20-40-somethings would have outgrown high school, but that brand of drama is alive and well amongst my colleagues.

[One might say that I am no better, ranting away on my little website instead of confronting people I have trouble with, and I accept that. However, I separate myself from work-related drama, keep to myself and stay out of the gossip circles. Therefore I feel I am exempt from any and all high school comparisons, unless, of course, we're talking about the people who look at me and think I'm still in high school. I'm all for that.]

Blah Blah Negativity Blah. Just writing about these things makes me feel worse. On to something happier.

Things I have to Look Forward to in the Coming Weeks:

1. Training this Saturday. No joke - I'm happy about it despite the subject matter: Human Growth and Sexuality. Yep - I get to give the girls at my school The Talk. Perhaps it's due to the fact that I get to feel some degree of pride in knowing that I will share with these girls information that could keep them from having a baby as a teenager, or maybe it's the $375 I get for attending, since the district has a nearly impossible time getting anyone to sign up for the course. Either way, I'm not dreading training for once. Pretty cool.

2. Day at the Estee Lauder Spa at Neiman-Marcus next Saturday. Obviously this was a gift - teachers can't afford fancy spas. I'm going to feel like the most spoiled, pampered princess in Dallas.

3. Two root canals. Again! Probably shouldn't be happy about this, but the ends definitely justify the means, and I can't wait to be free of dental pain.

4. Payday! A week early! God bless the union for fighting for us! Instead of an erratic pay schedule that sometimes left us six weeks without a paycheck, we'll now get paid every month on the 15th. I hear we got a raise too, but I'm not getting my hopes up. 

5. May 2...wait. That's really far off. Oh well. I guess there's Winter Break to look forward to...

One is not the Lonliest Number

My first solo flight [as a passenger, of course, not a pilot] was to London in 1997. I was 20 years old, and visiting a friend who had been an exchange student at my university.

Thanksgiving break was coming up, so I planned my trip for the long weekend. That's the folly of youth, I suppose, choosing a time period of only five days to embark on a trip involving two transatlantic flights.

Everything about the flight was so exciting to me. I could order drinks! Under 21! And it was legal! The airline provided a little goodie bag! With slippers! Free slippers on a plane! It amazed me. Even the flight attendants were spectacular - I had a headache and this lovely employee of British Airways gave me Parecetamol out of her own purse. I was immediately in love, convinced that the British were the kindest people on Earth.

The trip involved loads of [solo] train travel, a long bus ride from Sheffield to London, and, of course, lots of time in the subway. I'd been on vacation before - but never anything like this: it was so amazing to discover the joy of traveling alone.

Most people I know wouldn't consider going out to dinner alone, much less taking an international flight with no one to talk with during the long hours in the air. I see the situation in quite the opposite way. Traveling or dining alone gives me so many opportunities to meet new people. I'll never forget Hugo, the sweet man from Norway who let me in on the drinking under 21 on flights secret by ordering multiple screwdrivers for us both. And I'll always remember Sam, the guy I shared a flight to Atlanta with back in 1999. He and I had so much in common; the three hour flight, well, flew by. I've met corporate women away on business, grandparents going to visit grandkids, and, once, even an entire Swedish soccer team traveling to America.

These days I've got another solo flight in mind. I'm dreaming of going around the world alone. I'd like to start with a train trek up the middle of the USA, head West, and the fly to India from California. A stop in Russia and a little time in both Eastern and Western Europe would round the trip out. It's a huge goal - personally and financially. The world's so messed up anymore, though, that I want to see all these places and experience the people and cultures this planet has to offer before it's all gone. That's pessimistic thinking - I take it back. I have faith in the good of humanity; kind people will prevail, eventually.

Of course, I think it might help if we, say, got a new president in a couple of months...

Ahem. My advice to you is this: if you have never done anything by yourself, try it. Go to a nice restaurant alone. Order what you like - you don't have to worry about paying for someone else or worry that the person paying for you is worrying about the price of what you order. Then take it a step further. Go on a day trip alone. Visit the flea market two hours outside of town and see how delightful it is to spend as much or as little time as you want at a booth. Jump on a plane to somewhere far away and notice that you feel more relaxed not having to consider another person's hunger, fatigue, or desire to visit some over-promoted tourist trap. And if you're the one who wants to tour every wax museum and old building your vacation spot has to offer, you won't have to endure the impatience and rolling of the eyes of your travel companion.

The greatest part about doing things on your own [aside from the confidence you gain by doing things like mastering a forigen city's subway system] is that it gives you a clear chance to figure out who you are. You get to see what kind of choices and decisions you make when you are the only person they affect. You have an opportunity to experience the things that truly interest you and you alone. Maybe you never go to seafood restaurants because your spouse/partner/kid/whatever hates the smell of fish. On a trip alone, you can have lobster every night. Or perhaps you really don't care for art museums, and your usual travel companion can't go through a city without seeing every gallery it has to offer. Alone, you can spend all your time outdoors or in cooking shops or clothing boutiques or anything you want, really, because you get to set the itenerary - or not, if an itenerary-free trip is what you desire.

I'm not promoting a selfish everyday lifestyle. However, I do feel that just a little time alone every once and a while helps keep me grounded, in the same way that visiting an old friend does. Reconnecting with people feels good, even if the person you're connecting with is the same one you see in the mirror each day.

Year Three, Week Two

At the risk of sounding negative again, I have some complaints about the way this school year has started out. Rather than going into specifics, I'll just list The Five Things I'd Make Sure to Take Care of Before School Starts if I Were a Principal or District Administrator.

The Five Things I'd Make Sure to Take Care of Before School Starts if I Were a Principal or District Administrator

1. I'd make sure that all the textbooks, workbooks and other necessary materials are ready to go on day one. They would be in the teachers' rooms, unpacked and organized at least a week before school begins. This way, the teachers would have time to analyze and plan before the children arrive.

2. I'd make sure that there were teachers for every necessary position in the school. I'd harass central office to make sure everyone was cleared before school starts. Let's take it a step further. I'd change the contract timing to make sure that everyone was hired for the next year before the current year ends. I'd have a full staff, with each teacher knowing exactly what grade and subjects they will be teaching when school begins. It all comes back to preparation time. Going into week two with two positions still vacant due to paper shuffling downtown does not make for happy parents or a successful start of the year for students. Bonding with a substitute and then having to make the transition to a regular teacher who is in total chaos and feeling overwhelmed is not good for the children. Any teacher will tell you that the first few weeks set the tone for the year - you establish routines, boundaries and goals during those important days. Starting one group of children out at a disadvantage to their peers is clearly unfair. Sure, life's not fair, but when it comes to public education, fair and equal is the law, right?

3. I'd have Open House/Meet the Teacher Night planned before school begins. Parents want to know when these things are going to happen some time in advance so they can get off of work, get a babysitter, or whatever else their circumstances require. A note home two days before the event is not sufficient.

4. I'd have the budget finished before school starts. I realize some of this is based on enrollment, but make a conservative budget, and then add or take away from areas as needed once the final numbers are known.

5. Most importantly, I'd make sure the teachers felt comfortable, appreciated, organized and ready for the year. I wish I could do a formal survey about the morale of teachers in this district. Many people I know from several different schools in different areas of the district all have the same complaints - the disorganization and chaos found at our schools is overwhelming. This, paired with the higher expectations and accountability standards [without, of course, any additional resources to achieve these goals] makes for a very fussy bunch when my teacher friends get together.

On the positive side, I absolutely love my class. They're good and respectful, and eager to learn. They like Science, and I think I can get them to like Reading and Language Arts more. My tactic is this: they're teenagers or about to be, and so they're at the point in their lives where they want to identify themselves as individuals and explore things that interest them. It's less about doing what family/teachers want them to do, and more about figuring out who they are and what they like. So, I'm going to try and help them while sneaking in the required elements and concepts. I'm going to let them choose books to read and study, and write about things that interest them rather than give everyone in the class a generic prompt about a time when they felt brave or a research paper about earthworms - that is, of course, unless earthworms are their thing, in which case I'd be happy to help them learn more about them.

Today I had them list ten book titles, authors, or subject areas they'd like to read this year. They don't know it, but I'm going to take their lists over to Half Price Books, and buy each of them a book they're guaranteed to like. I can't wait to see their faces when they come into the room next Monday and see their books tied up with little bows. I also can't wait to see their faces when I tell them, yes, you can write about different types of engines in fast cars, and yes, if you want to write about Hilary Duff that's ok too. My journalism teachers always told us the best policy is to write what you know, so that's what they're going to do.

Eh, if I plan to have any affect tomorrow, I need to go to sleep. I've been getting more sleep this year so far, and taking the time to pick out clothes I'm more comfortable and confident in. Don't say teacher clothes, because they're not, but the stuff I got for school this year definitely isn't anything I'd want to wear anywhere but work. I figure it's fine - businesspeople don't wear their suits to baseball games, doctors don't wear scrubs to the grocery store - there's nothing wrong with having a modified uniform for one's job. Ok, yeah, I'm justifying wearing long, floral dresses in public. Forgive me.

Last thing - highlight of my day - hearing an 11-year-old boy say "I'm a Democrat. I don't like our president at all. My mom hates him too."

Low point of my day - upon telling that kid to tell his mom to make sure and vote, he told me, "My mom doesn't want to vote because she thinks it's stupid."

Year Three

I took the summer off. Should have spent some time writing, but it's funny how the allure of beaches, sand and relaxation will keep one away from the computer.

Today was the first day back at school for the teachers. It's out of character for me to say this, but I feel really good about this year. I like the people I work with in my grade level. It's an easygoing group, but serious about making sure the kids are ready for middle school when we close the doors at the end of this year.

Oh, yeah, I moved up to sixth grade. It's a big change from second grade. I'm very pleased with my decision to move up; I think a large part of my frustration with my job over the last two years has been dealing with little, tiny children on a daily basis. They're adorable and quite charming sometimes, but they are just so needy! I'm ready to work with people who are a little more capable of taking care of themselves. Just the little stuff - tying shoelaces, knowing their birthday - simple things like that really got to me with the second graders.

I'm no fool - I realize that a room full of 11-13 year olds is no place to be. I collected a wardrobe of conservative attire and plan to try to make myself look older. My position is a dream - I'm only teaching Science. I absolutely love Science and can't wait to share how interesting it is with my students. I know some will think it's boring, but I'm going to change their minds. I have so many ideas - so many MORE ideas than I've ever had before - about projects and thematic units I want to plan. Science offers so many opportunities for fun. We've got a garden at school that is quite neglected; it will be fun to have the kids grow vegetables and flowers out there. We'll go to the IMAX and we'll have pets, maybe some fish or turtles. No hamsters, though - warm-blooded animals are too much trouble.

I'm actually looking forward to going to work tomorrow. This is so weird.

33

Thirty-three days. That's all that remains of this school year. Take out at least four or five days for tests, another field trip, field day, and the last day of school, and that leaves only about 25 more days. It's sort of hard to believe.

My brain's so wiped out with the overwhelming stress of my job, not to mention my personal life...what's that? I remember as a child thinking it was so weird to see a teacher at the grocery store or out at a restaurant - those people weren't supposed to have lives outside of school! Many don't, and now I understand why. There's just too much to do. I could stay at work until 7:00 every night for a month and still not get it all done.

I just hate how uncertain everything feels. I have no idea what grade I'll be teaching next year, no idea what classroom, no clue who I'll be working with or working for - our principal retired. So much flexibility is required of everyone working in a school. That's fine, but sometimes I wonder if a little stability would do the system some good. Keep someone in the same grade for a few years. Let them really get to know the age group and the curriculum. I know if I get put in an upper grade next year, I'll feel like a brand new teacher all over again. Hell, I still feel like a brand new teacher now.

Maybe the flexibility wouldn't bother me so much if it wasn't combined with such mass disorganization. So many discrepancies between the curriculum, tests, scope and sequence and expanded curriculum exist. Meetings and training sessions are often delayed or canceled due to poor planning.

A couple of weeks ago, for example, there was supposed to be a training session about classroom management on my campus from 3:15-4:00. One representative from each grade was all that the principal required, but my grade level decided as a team that we all wanted to go. Arrangements were made, tutoring sessions were canceled, and after school plans were altered. We all showed up, on time, for training that we all felt we needed. We waited. And waited some more. Finally, a woman showed up, but stated that she was there to train support staff only; the teachers' training session was from 4:00-6:00 p.m.

Who knows where the communication chain was broken. None of the teachers had made plans to attend training until that late in the day, so no one was there when (or if, I should say) the facilitator showed up. People have lives outside of their jobs. Our workday is scheduled to end at 3:45. We were already altering our schedule to stay until 4:00. Asking us to stay another two hours was out of the question. I have no problem with staying at work late - I stay until 6 or 7:00 at least a couple of times a week. And had I known the previous week - even the previous day that the training session would be an after-hours sort of thing, that would have been fine. It's just unrealistic to expect that 15 people can alter their schedules at the last minute like that. People have kids of their own to pick up, classes to attend, lives to lead. The worst part is that we all really could have used that training. And it wasn't rescheduled. No one ever told any of us what happened or who screwed up the planning.

Ugh. It's Saturday morning. I'm done thinking about this right now. Besides, I have five classes worth of grades to average this weekend. I'd better get to work.

P.S. Don't tell me that it's my own fault for waiting until the last minute to average grades. The six weeks ended on Friday, and grades have to be entered into the computer by 4:00 on Wednesday. It takes at least a half an hour per class to average the grades, and probably 20 minutes to enter the scores into the (very archaic) grade system. That's 50 minutes times five classes...250 minutes...at least four hours worth of work - probably more. I get 45 minutes per day of work time. And I can pretty much forget about getting anything done during that time - there's always so much else to do. Last week three days of my planning period were spent dealing with one kid from my class's out-of-control behavior problems. I thought the kid I had last year that cursed me and made fun of the other kids was bad - now I've got one that threatens, kicks, and punches kids - sometimes right in front of my face and once last week right in front of the principal. I have to do all this paperwork, call home, write letters to mom, develop and institute a behavior plan, when all the kid really needs is a good spanking. Kids have absolutely no fear anymore. They know there's nothing that you can do to them that will really harm them or make them unhappy in any way aside from telling their parents about their behavior, which, for some kids leads to spankings at home. The students in my class who know that a letter home will lead to a 'whuppin,' as one of my boys calls it, behave very well most of the time. It's the group of kids who know that all their parents will do to them is send them to time out or take away video games for a couple of days that are the problem. No fear, no respect, bad behavior...doesn't it say somewhere in the Bible something about sparing the rod and spoiling the child?