If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say...

We're almost through the second week of school. Turns out my school isn't alone in our desperation - I've spoken with a couple of friends who work at schools that are in just as bad of shape as mine.

The kids are great this year, though. I got a new student today, and things are pretty rough for his family right now...it's a sad situation. But he seems like a cool kid so I think it will be good to have him around.

I'm still so frustrated though - my school still doesn't have a copier! I can't do anything! Can't even give them homework! Ugh.

Outside of that stuff, I'm just a mess all around! I can be sort of dramatic, but I swear, I feel like my world is collapsing around me right now!

And I need to get rid of a cat. I need to find a farm to send her to where she can kill mice and be outside.

Frustration

How effed is my school? This district? I just can't grasp how things can be so poorly run when seemingly intelligent people are in charge. As I said yesterday, our school is without air conditioning in more than half of the building. We're half way through the first week of school, yet we don't have reading or mathematics curriculum. See any news story, TEA press release or, oh, the federal law relating to it and you'll figure out pretty quickly that reading is extremely important, not only for the obvious reason that people must be able to read to function in society, but because schools, namely schools like mine, are in bad shape and we've got to raise our test scores to dig ourselves out of this miserable hole.

I don't know as much about the education code or what went into creating the new high-stakes tests as I should. Sadly, I probably know more than any of the other teachers at my school, though, since I spent the two years prior to becoming a teacher writing about education for a newspaper. This is why I became a teacher: I got sick of writing about how great things were for all these rich white kids - how all their teachers are fabulous and experienced and the kids all easily got into whatever wonderful college they wanted. I'm exaggerating, of course, but when you stop to think about it, it's really just plain unfair how many advantages, yeah, rich white kids get.

I'm getting away from myself...and now I shall do it again. In my attempt to better my knowledge of my current job's requirements, I decided to look at a website about No Child Left Behind. Gross! It's just another place filled with GWBush propaganda.

Now I feel all frustrated, buried in my hatred of stupid administrators, a stupid president, and the fact that half of my class doesn't even know the alphabet in English. 

--

I've got to think about something else. I think about school when I eat. I dream about it when I sleep. My social life is dead and buried now that school's back in session.

I need to buy Yo La Tengo tickets. Hell, I need to buy their latest album. And other ones too...all my records are played out. I'm bored with music. Not bored with music, really, just the records that I own. Back in college, I always knew what was coming out, what was good, always had a ton of great things to listen to. Now when I'm in the car, it's NPR all the time. This is not a bad thing, but does signal to the fact that I'm getting old.

Third Grade

Today was the first day of school. It went well - so much better than last year! I actually managed to maintain control of this group. Last year I cared what they thought of me, felt that it was important to entertain them from the word go...no. No, no, no. That didn't work. I lost control the first day last year, and I plan to keep control this year. So I was mean.

Remember last year when I said I'd be mean, and then I was nice? This year I was actually mean! I am terribly proud of myself. I suppose when I say 'mean' I mean 'strict,' but in a kid's mind I doubt there's much difference.

My group seems to be pretty naturally well-behaved. They had little trouble staying in their seats, writing quietly and being patient while the business side of the first day [textbooks, supplies, etc.] got taken care of. I'm certain that a large part of the reason why they were so good is that I only have 15 kids, and only five of them are boys. Last year I started out with 29 students, of which at least 14 or so were male. Girls are just better behaved. Sure, they talk a little more, but when it comes to major infractions, it's almost always the boys I have trouble with.

This morning on WFAA I saw the DISD spokesperson say something about all schools in Dallas having air conditioning. Someone's probably said that all the schools have all their curriculum too. Maybe they think we all have a photocopier. Printers. I guess they forgot about us. Kids were throwing up from the heat at our building today. More than half the school is completely without air conditioning. The heat index is, what, 110 degrees? People, especially little bitty people, can not function in those temperatures! I really feel for the sixth grade teachers, 30 adult-sized bodies crammed into a portable building, and no air conditioning. This is Dallas, one of the biggest cities in America, not some third-world place. I know people have it worse, but come on! People pay property taxes. The least we could have is a functioning air conditioner and all the tools we need to start teaching on the first day. We're literally killing time because we don't have Teacher's Editions for math or reading or experiment kits for Science! The only subject we're prepared for [minus being able to print or copy any work, of course] is Social Science. And they wonder why we have to play catch-up for the TAKS tests in the Spring...

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I was talking to my mother on the phone after school. She asked when I could move to a better school. It made me think...and I think I want to try and stay at this school for a couple more years. At least until I really know what I'm doing and can actually help some kids. People always talk about how something has to change in the education system, and I guess where I can at least try to help make a start toward that is to stay at this school. These children need people who care about them. It's sad, and I guess this happens everywhere, in every big city, but the 'best teachers' run off and work at the 'good schools.' I'm the first to admit I still really have no idea what I'm doing. Many of the teachers at my school have five or fewer years of experience. But it's getting better - a lot more people stayed this year than the last, and it's my hope that next year even more people will stay. The only thing that could make me leave is a job teaching in Mexico or South America, which would only make me better at my job because I'd learn Spanish. But we'll see. It's just the first day of school.

Perfect

And just at the moment I started enjoying myself, getting into the rhythm of a lazy, relaxing life...summer vacation is over. Tomorrow's my first day back.

I'll be spending two lovely hot August days in a high school in - I guess this place is in East Texas somewhere. It's by Balch Springs, which is really pretty far away. I feel sort of like those of us who taught at the Edison schools and these other low-performing schools are being punished by DISD.

- We get two fewer days of summer vacation. They could have kept us two hours late a few times and covered the hours we'll be spending doing curriculum training over the next two days.

- Just having to go to training is punishment. Staff Development/Training in the district is so pathetic I don't think it warrants even having that title.

On that subject, though, before anyone is going to start treating teachers more professionally, we're going to have to start acting the part. During these training sessions, teachers eat, drink, leave to take mobile phone calls, draw, talk, pay bills, really anything to avoid listening to the boring presenters and looking at countless sub-standard PowerPoint presentations. I am not saying I'm not guilty of this, because I certainly am. I already have plans for what I'll do to kill time tomorrow [draw pictures].

Maybe now that I've thought this out I won't be rude and will pay attention to the presenters. Maybe they'll present the information in such a way that is neither condescending nor sleep inducing. Maybe that's what it'll take for schools to improve in this town.

Where was I?

- Being made to drive out to Balch Springs/Seagoville/Whereverthisstupidhighschoolis. There is no way that more than half of the people going tomorrow live near this place. I live in the center of town and it's still at least a 30-minute drive for me. I can't even imagine how long it will take for the teachers who live in North Dallas, Lewisville, Plano, and other cities. I can't understand why there's not some central location somewhere [I think this might be what Nolan Estes Plaza was supposed to be] where all training can take place.